Sunday, 23 August 2015

10 reasons why (my) kids are gross.

I thought it was just boys who were gross. But, it appears, after a little research, that girls are just as disgusting. There is no doubt about it, I probably did a lot of these nasty things when I was a child too. And there I was thinking my darling daughter would be sugar and spice, and all things nice.

Here are my 10 reasons why all children are yucky, disgusting, gross creatures.

1. They pick their noses. That isn't all. They show me it on the tip of their fingers, and if that isn't disgusting enough, they bloody eat it! They do this purely because they know it knocks me sick. Especially the really slimy ones. Eurgh!

2. Wiping their nose treasures on their top, a wall, or the table is a must. Only if they're too full from eating them, obviously. Or wiping their snotty nose down the length of their arm or sleeve. Nice.

3. They trump on my leg. Now we all know breaking wind is pretty normal. But why the need to do it on my leg, and then ask "did you feel that mum?"

4. They play with their widge. A lot. and then say "look mum, its all big" whilst laughing.

5. They frequently leave number 2's in the toilet or potty for me to find when I next use the bathroom. Or, they shout me up just to show me how HUGE it is.

6. They generally miss the toilet, so I find myself standing or sitting in their wee.

7. If they cannot find a toilet, or know they wont make it, they will pee on the floor. And then play in it.

8. Picking toe/belly button fluff and sniffing it. I'll say no more.

9. Finding the oldest, crustiest, most stale piece of food down the couch/under their beds/in the car, and eating it. Like they don't get fed.

10.Mixing food that really shouldn't be eaten together. Like pizza and jelly. Really. When my eldest was about 2 years old, he ate a spoonful of jelly and a bite of pizza in one mouthful until it was all gone.

And that's all without mentioning the constant talk of bums, poo and wee. If I don't get called a "wee wee poopy head" at least once throughout the day, I know something is wrong!

The Dad Network


  1. This could also be called, 10 reasons why dads are gross... not saying all dads do this, but I certainly do... :) #bigfatlinky

    1. They probably learnt it all from their dad!